‘Abd al-Malik (RA) said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected
leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn
‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umamah came into
her, to advise her and said:
‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners
and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these
qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are
wise.
‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and
her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but
women were created for men just as men were created for them.
‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to
walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying
you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a
servant to you.
‘Take from me
‘The
contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.
‘The
see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is
the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
‘The
raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
‘The
take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking
care of his children and servants shows good management.
‘The
orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal,
and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.
‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show
sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the
latter will make him unhappy.
‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so
that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.
‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure
before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah
choose what is best for you and protect you.”
Taken from: http://salafiummi.multiply.com
Taken from: http://salafiummi.multiply.com
Jamharah Khutah al-‘Arab, 1/145
